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  • Angela Tam

Happy Father’s Day

A tribute to my dad… Vincent.

I have a very complicated relationship with him and even to this day… we are not close.

However, through a lot of healing work, I can see how he is a product of his environment and at the same time, I can be with the pain that comes up for me as I think of my relationship with him.

I can see his chronic control as a method for internal safety

I can see his emotional abuse as a method for grounding during chaos

I can see his stonewalling as a way to protect his hurting inner children.

I can see his condescending remarks towards me and my mother as a protective strategy for his parts that might need extra love and care.

I am mindful that even know, as he is unable to speak or walk because of his stroke, he believes that he is alone in his struggles.

I see glimmers of his curiosity, compassion and tender love at times, when he cooks for me and asks me if his cooking is tasty.

I see glimmers of his self accountability when he takes me out to buy a tasty snack in response to my hurt when he knowingly caused me pain.

My relationship with my dad is complicated and I know I am creating a different legacy for my kids.

My kids won’t understand my struggles with my dad. And I am more than ok with that.

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