Compassionate therapy that heals from one generation to another.

Somatic IFS therapy in Seattle, WA and beyond.

Online Therapy in Washington State

Helping daughters (NB/Trans folx) of immigrants heal generational cycles and live (more) free in an unfree world.

You are an adult child of immigrants and you are used to being responsible for everyone else.

You were conditioned, from a young age, to be a role model, take on unspoken responsibilities and perhaps, be a third parent. You’ve learned to do it all on your own, but are tired and burned out. You might be anticipating welcoming a child/new partner/job into your world, and don’t know how you can add one. more. thing. on your plate.

  • Loss can take many forms - the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a job loss, or any other major life change. Coping with these losses can be an overwhelming and painful experience, affecting various aspects of your day-to-day life.

  • You’re in a new relationship and you notice old family patterns creeping in. Maybe you’re noticing how you are pestering your partner about doing their chores (just like how your mom did to you) or that you’re checking out and disengaging during stressful times (just like your dad) or that you’re fighting just like your parents did. Maybe you’re overextending yourself and self-sacrificing for the sake of the collective, just like your auntie did.

  • You just got back from the doctor and they shared a new diagnosis with you. The doc said that you need to slow down and take time to prioritize your health and lower your stress levels. You have been so busy taking care of everyone else that you didn’t have the time to do so, but you want to start now.

My Approach

My framework: I believe it starts with safety in the healing relationship. When you feel safe, heard, and understood, there can be space to collaborate as co-partners in the liberation journey in therapy. When we collaborate together, it is a space where anti-oppressive, social justice oriented healing work can happen.

My methodology: I am always learning about trauma healing work through a multicultural, intersectional feminist, somatic, internal family systems lens with an added sprinkle of neurobiology and attachment in the backdrop.

You might be asking yourself:

  • I’m pretty smart, but why can’t I manage my emotions?

  • I am pretty capable, but why do I get caught in the same patterns over and over again?

  • I am pretty mature, but why do I revert to acting like a 12 year old around my parents/siblings?

  • I am pretty thoughtful, but why do I feel so unfulfilled and purposeless?

  • I am “put together”, but why are my relationships a mess?

I get it.

You are the one everyone goes to for help. You are the “rock” the “strong one”. You are the one that holds it together for everyone else. People come to you for your opinion and advice. People seek you out for their vent sessions. People come to you when they are crying and hurt. But you stay up wondering, who is my rock? Who can I lean on for support?

Maybe your sense of purpose comes from serving others. You enjoy watching others benefit from your going above and beyond for them. But maybe you struggle with boundary setting and people pleasing. You are burned out and just want to stay home and isolate.

Maybe you find yourself comparing yourself to others, constantly feeling inadequate. You have all the accolades to back you up. You are an over achiever, perfectionist and have a great career and titles, but still feel like an imposter.

You read a lot of psychology books, listened to the podcasts, and marinated in social media accounts from therapists and healers, but it still leaves you with the question of "how do I apply all this knowledge to my own healing journey?”

Your coping consists of journaling, exercising, meeting with friends, denial, suppression, positive thinking, yet they all still fall short in the long term. What is there left to do?

You want to feel happy and confident.

You want to feel all your feelings without being overwhelmed.

You want to set boundaries with your parents without having them suffer too much.

You want to help your siblings without burning out and draining your bank account.

You want to fight with your partner, without shutting down.

You want to take better care of yourself, without feeling selfish and guilty.

You want to excel professionally, without losing yourself in the process.

You want to parent well, without unknowingly repeating your parent’s mistakes.

You want to help others less without worrying that they might abandon you for having limits.

You want to learn how to communicate your needs better and advocate for yourself, without pushing people away and being hyper independent.

You want to rest, without feeling guilty.

You want more peace, joy, ease and happiness!!

You can’t think your way into happiness. You’ll need to have an experienced guide to navigate this part of your journey

I’m Angela Tam

Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner

Chinese-American daughter of immigrants.

Mama to 3 unschooling children. Neurodivergent. Queer. Non binary.

Being born to 2 immigrant parents, I know what it’s like to grow up with little knowledge and skills with navigating my inner world. My parents taught me about working hard and stressed academic achievements, but didn’t equip me to learn about conflict management, managing my big feelings or being vulnerable and deepening my friendships.

My inability to navigate my inner world was my biggest obstacle to connection to myself and others. I couldn’t connect to my body or my feelings, so how was I supposed to connect to others? I learned later in life that I was queer, non binary and neurodivergent. It took me years to unlearn the shame that came with the experience of feeling so different than other Asian Americans. I am learning how to work with my inner world and my life’s purpose is to support others in growing their self trust and love.

Specialities

  • You were a parent to your parents and siblings. You did everything to “keep the peace” and not “rock the boat”. You may or may not have been the oldest, but the mental load of supporting the family still weighs on you. Now that your parents and siblings are much older, you are figuring out how to support them and yourself without losing your mind.

  • As a child of immigrants, you are aware that there were no healthy templates for parenthood. Heck, you practically raised your parents and siblings and now you are about to embark on this parenthood journey with no mentors or guidance. You are deeply afraid of messing up your children and want to do some inner work to make sure that they (and you) are going to be ok. You are afraid that you might not know who you are outside of caretaking. This is a time set aside just for you. For you to explore yourself before you create a mini-you.

  • You are now in a relationship, but don’t have a roadmap to manage conflict or even tell your partner what you might need without feeling vulnerable. You find yourself getting triggered easily by your partner and that turns into silent rage. You might be in an intercultural relationship and also want to address some issues that might come up before you are misunderstood.

  • You’ve tried many avenues of healing and you are struggling with depression and anxiety. You’ve heard the amazing healing powers of psychadelics and want to explore more. Maybe you’ve gone on trips before, but never with a therapist, who is trained to infuse therapy with psychadelics. This is your chance.

  • Congrats on graduating and making it through a traumatizing white supremacy centered graduate program. Maybe you’re an Asian American therapist in training in private practice and want to grow your anti-oppression, social justice oriented practice, but struggle with how to do that. Or maybe you need another pair of eyes and ears on your cases. Let’s do this together.

  • You don’t remember one singular incident (accidents, deaths, injuries) that you can point to that brings a lot of pain, but you find yourself suffering from the culmination of a lot of little emotional paper cuts that resulted from parenting your parents and siblings, being a marriage coach to your parents, watching your parents fight about money, micro and macro aggression, experiencing homophobia, xenophobia, and other forms of marginalization and wounding. Complex trauma can also be the absence of nurturance, empathy and presence. You might of experienced emotional neglect or abuse from your caregivers. This can take a huge toll on your body and relationships to this day. Taking time to metabolize these experiences with a guide can make a difference and change your intergenerational relationships.

  • You are carrying the weight of your family and work on your shoulders. Something isn’t working anymore. You find yourself with more migraines, zoning out, scrolling on social media endlessly. You’re coming a part. You went to the doctor and the doctor said that your symptoms are all stress related. You are scared to address your anxiety and stress. You don’t want to be overwhelmed by what you might uncover. You are afraid of unraveling to the point of no return. No worries! Through our trauma informed therapy, our sessions will mostly leave you feeling less stressed. You will be able to go to your meeting or take care of your kids right after sessions.

shh…. I’ve got a confession…

I have been a mental health therapist and life coach for a good long while. I've managed a BIPOC healing collective and coaching practice, property management with short and long term rentals . and practicing liberation centered unschooling with 3 kiddos. And since 2013, I've been in private practice helping lots of folx of the Asian Diaspora heal from complex trauma. 

It wasn't until this year that I've realized that I had the capacity to reflect on what I've been reallytrying to do with all my clients, family and myself.

I don't feel a strong sense of certainty with many things in the world, but what I do know is that my biggest accomplishment isn't the money I've made or anything related to my children or my businesses, it is:

Embracing being an outlier by being at home in my body as the foundation of my life and business. 

The most consistent feedback I get from my clients is, "You teach people how to heal from complex trauma, but you really teach people how to find a deep sense of belonging in yourself."

Consider this an invitation from me to you. Consider this an invitation for me to walk you home to yourself. This is the biggest honor and privilege that I have in my work as a human being on earth. 

Welcome home. 

When you are safe in your body, you have unconditional belonging and safety.

You can take your shoes off, wear your comfiest lounge clothes, cook whatever meals you want, move the furniture around, declutter and decorate to your heart's liking. 

You can have this freedom in your relationships too. You get to have it in:

  • The way you share about what restaurants you want to eat at with your friends

  • The way you share about your sexual/gender identities with your family

  • The way you relate to your family of origin by opting in or out of family gatherings

  • The way you share about your unconventional job choices, even if it goes against the grain of others expectations

  • The way you choose your inner circle of friends

  • The way you earn, spend, save and give your money, time and energy

Having this freedom to live according to your values is not a luxury, but a necessity. If you care, even just a little, about the well being of your body and spirit...

...and if you care about making the most powerful impact you can on this world and beyond....

...if you care about being a good ancestor to your future descendants...

...if you care about liberation for yourself and your fellow human siblings...

There is no place from which you can have a bigger impact and contribution other than a place of unapologetically prioritizing your own needs.  PERIOD. 

This is the invisible golden thread beneath everything that I've ever taught.

This is my centering principle. This is my grounding foundation. 

This is the focal point of everything that I have and will continue to teach. It is the basis of my spiritual, personal and professional work. this is the principle guiding every single decision of mine. 

I can't think of anything more impactful to teach you. 

Here's what being at home with myself in my relationships has allowed me to do over the years:

  • become a fugitive from tiger parenting culture, opt out of hustle and grind culture in my family and embrace rest and curiosity by unschooling my 3 kids. 

  • run many businesses that create beautiful income for me and my family, while smashing labels or boxes that anyone has attempted to put on it

  • leave my evangelical church community and come out as a queer pansexual non binary neurodivergent (autistic/adhd) human after living closeted for many years

  • give myself the freedom to epically disappoint people that I love and care about (my partner, kids, Asian elders, mentors) without diving into the dark hole of shame

  • give myself the freedom to move freely within and between businesses based on deep alignment with my values

  • create a body of work that continues to evolve and gathers more aligned humans year after year

  • gather a community of chosen family, who understand and embrace my "outlier-ness" and continue to support me no matter what

  • live out my commitments to my values, while embracing my fear of scarcity-- whether it's in the form of speaking out on topics that bring truth to shameful and taboo cultural Asian norms or creating equitable pricing systems. 

We are not all the same

Your relationships, prioritizes and values are different. How you impact the world with your divinity will be different than my methodology. 

I want to equip you with the practices to find YOUR way home to yourself. 

All things considered, embracing your humanity and your outlier-ness isn't actually that hard or rare. 

People do it everyday through having a combination of their abilities/disabilities, power and privilege, support from community, basic life skills, luck and some personal investment and work. 

But you know what is RARE? Having relationships that:

  • are mutually reciprocal

    1. you don't burn out from year after year, decade after decades

    2. has room for YOUR humanity, needs and desires to evolve again and again 

    3. is fiercely aligned with your ever-changing values

    4. leaves a legacy that brings liberation to the world

    THIS IS RARE.

    Rare doesn't mean hard. It is less hard when we do this work together. 

Here's everything we'll be diving into:

  • partnering with our nervous system to guide our professional and personal life

  • how to safely be still and silent with yourself

  • how to slow down without overwhelming your body

  • how to sit with internal discomfort

  • how to look inward and prioritize your own needs while continuing to caretake for others

  • cultivating IDGAF (I don't give a f*ck energy)

  • welcoming all the different parts of yourself and seeing yourself as a multidimensional human being versus one dimensional objectified human do-er

  • letting your emotions/parts share their beliefs, stories and messages

  • cultivating your intuition and higher self energy

  • resting as a human right and work strategy 

  • cultivating relationships with time, energy, money and your work

  • how to move through deep grief and crises, while having roles that we can't opt out of, like being a parent or working professional

  • doing away with white washed professional culture and drawing out the "real you"

  • creating space for what is repulsive and non capitalism/white supremacy friendly, ugly, not acceptable, ragey, angry, disgusting and taboo, shame-filled, unpresentable, scary-as-hell, deathly, violent and creating a home for them inside of you that is safe to be in relationship with.

  • bringing your body wisdom into your professional and personal relationships

  • cultivating curiosity about living as an outlier

  • normalizing death and grief in everyday life

  • embracing seasonality and rhythms of rest and death as well as work and abundance 

  • grappling with the dark sides of oppression and the impact of white body supremacy on our bodies

  • challenging forces that tell us to assimilate and demand that we look outward at the expense of our own well being

  • examining our attachment wounds and the impact of those wounds on our relationships

  • examine inner dissonance that keeps us stuck in procrastination mode with our businesses and personal relationships

  • recognize parts that are complicit with hustle culture, burnout culture, assimilation, and want acceptance from authorities, so that we can help them release patterns that run your body into the ground

  • compassionately become aware of parts that don't like boundaries and befriend them so that you can reclaim at least 5 hours of your free time back. 

  •  empathetically befriend parts that keep you playing small, invisible and are complicit with white washed professionalism so you could show up more authentically

  • approach the parts of you that are fat phobic, ablest, classist, anti- black, judgmental, critical and trans phobic. Help them be fully heard so they don't overwhelm your system and flood you and your activism with their messages of hate. Personally, this has been formative in my personal activism and advocacy work. IMHO, these are the parts that are important to work on as Asian folx in our relationship building. 

Slowing down requires a set of skills. You can develop a fluency in them. 

 

When you are fluent in them, here's what happens:

  • you are no longer tempted to look outward for authority figures to tell you what to do with your life

  • you feel grounded by your internal anchors that does not bend to fear or scarcity, flattery from people that don't have your best interest at heart, greed and a desire to hoard more resources at the cost of yourself or others

  • you draw people close to you who trust you because of your integrity and being in right relationship with yourself

  • you are able to accept the courageousness to make hard decisions to dismantle oppressive systems in your relationships and professional life, whether it be through leaving coercive relationships, declaring your truth fearlessly or creating equitable practices in your workplace structures 

  • create a sustainable living that supports a life for yourself and your loved ones 

  • AND create a legacy of liberation for your future spiritual, cultural and/or familial descendants

​

This work is for you, whether you are an activist, artist, coach, writer, mental health therapist, sex worker, internal medicine doctor, healer, spiritual director, community organizer, or executive director. 

​

This work is for all of us. 

Sovereignty and Self Leadership

Sovereignty is a birth right. 

Sovereignty means having an innate right to self-governance and autonomy over your own internal system. 

You are uniquely born with an internal system made up of parts. Your parts will guide your decisions, whether you partner with it or not. Systems of oppression has taught us that partnering with our body is dangerous and scary. A huge part of my teaching is going inward partnering with yourself. This is 90% of the work. 

Sovereignty is a deep value in healing work. Every individual has the right to govern their own internal system. Every person's body is composed of different parts forming an orchestra and creating beautiful music. 

Healing work involves a respect for autonomy. Each part of you has it's own perspective, beliefs, fears, desires, hopes, dreams. Partnering with our parts means that we respect and trust each part's autonomy. Through respecting and trusting each of your parts, you build self trust and safety within yourself, which ultimately leads to healing and internal harmony. 

Divesting from scripts of how you "should be" and stepping into your chosen values and commitments is the heart of the inner work. 

Maybe you've been told from your culture, society, religion, familial conditioning that you should "be obedient, compliant, agreeable and hardworking."

Or "work hard and try your best. Don't quit no matter what"

Or "be others centered, think of other people, always. don't be selfish. Be professional." (aka, act pleasing towards the "white man")​

Or "make lots of money, forever and ever. Keep growing professionally. Work hard and be unstoppable in your achievements. Your achievements define you."

We get to decide how we move through the world. We get to decide what our chosen values are. We get to decide how we want to define ourselves.

You get to decide:

  • who gets to be in your inner circle

  • what your definition of beauty and sexuality is

  • how many naps you are going to give yourself per day

You get to decide how you want to carry out your ideas of congruence in your life. We will work together to build your capacity to deepen your commitments to your values, while taking very good care of your needs. 

Self Leadership

Self leadership is the practice of sovereignty over our own bodies. 

​

Self leadership means that we get to be in charge of our inner world in a way that aligns with our values, goals and well-being. 

​

Connectedness to ourselves and others is one of the major losses from white body supremacy culture. White supremacy culture states that we don't have any entitlement over our own bodies, but others do. Others get to determine what is right, wrong, ugly, beautiful and it is obvious when we fall out of line. 

​

Self leadership begins with an understanding that we have a "Self". To recognize that we are all born with an essence of goodness within us. That essence is untouched by trauma or pain. It is unique to everyone of us and is unconditionally compassionate, whole and wise. Your higher "Self" or core Self is not all knowing, but has the ability to make thoughtful, well informed decision, it considers your values, environment and relationships. It makes choices that align with your long term goals. 

​

Emotional regulation is when the Self is able to be in relationship with parts of you that might be activated and triggered. Self-regulation means your higher Self extending compassionate curiosity and openness to your parts. 

​

When Self is the leaders, it becomes the guide/mentor/parent that you never had. It listens and understands the needs of various parts. It knows how to create a safe space for your parts to express themselves without fear or judgment. 

​

Sovereignty is the WHAT. Self Leadership is the HOW. 

How to start therapy

  • Look over my FAQ carefully. It will answer some of your questions.

    I currently have limited virtual openings for individuals living in the State of Washington. Preference will be given to those who are specifically interested in IFS therapy, but open to those who want a more "traditional" approach to talk therapy. All sessions are offered virtually and on a weekly basis (no monthly or bi monthly options are available). 

    I do not accept insurance, but do accept HSA, FSA payments. I will also send you a superbill for possible reimbursement.

    If you still have questions, email Angela@Angelatam.net

    Or for a quicker response, text me at 206.203.2355

    Note: Contact with me via email or phone does not constitute a therapeutic relationship. Our therapeutic relationship begins when we both agree to proceed with therapy and all paperwork is signed.

  • My current openings for weekly sessions are:

    Tuesdays- 7am, 12pm

    Wednesdays- 6am, 7am

    Thursdays- 6am, 7am

    I do not see people bi monthly or monthly. I only see people weekly.

  • Choose your rate based on your score. I operate by an honor system and won’t ask you to verify any of the above information.

  • Here is the link for scheduling your consult. If we are a good match for each other and our schedule works, electronic paperwork will be sent to you to sign and fill out within 24 hours.

    This includes:

    1) Informed Consent

    2) Telehealth Consent and Audio Only Billing Consent

    3) HIPAA & Washington State Notice Of Rights & Privacy Practices

    4) Credit Card Authorization

    5) Intake Questionnaire (30-40minutes)

    6) Social Media and Electronic Communication Policy

    7) Emergency Contact Form

  • We will use a HIPAA compliant platform. We will learn about you, your frustrations and goals. We will also talk about a plan for your time in therapy. In addition, we will talk about what it looks like to end therapy.

    First Session:

    The goal of the first session is for you to be witnessed in your pain, to understand what is happening and for you to feel hopeful about your potential growth.

    Workable Contract:

    By the 2nd/3rd session, you will have a better idea of of what to expect as we work together. We will put together a workable contract of your overarching goals, ways to work towards your goals and barriers, as well as getting to know when you will know how you will be finished with therapy.

    Practice/Work:

    I will provide you with some education, skills/tools, encourage you to try to relate to yourself and others in a different way, optional homework, and provide you with ideas to manage the general overwhelm. I may send you some external resources like book/podcast recommendations too.

    Feedback:

    I encourage clients to give me verbal feedback regularly so that my practice can be adjusted more towards your needs and concerns and values. You are also welcome to send me written feedback as well.

    Ending Therapy:

    Some clients benefit from brief therapy (1-4 sessions), or short term therapy (<6months) for a single issue. Some folx come with a complex issue that requires more long term work (12months-3years). We will end therapy when your workable contract (goals) have been met, symptoms are improving or whenever you feel like therapy with me isn't helping anymore.

    Referrals:

    Some clients pause therapy for a while and decide to come back due to changes in their life. If that's the case, please email me and we can always restart our sessions, if I have availability. Any anytime, if we are not compatible or have needs that is beyond the scope of my expertise, I will share some referrals with you for other specialists that can help.

 FAQs

  • First, make sure you look at my availabilities to see if there is a weekly overlapping time that works for both of us. Click here to schedule your first session with me. Within 24 hours, I will send your some paperwork for you to fill out and a link to our zoom space.

    During our first session, I will let you know if we can work together and we will go ahead and schedule a regular time to meet.

  • Tuesdays- 7am, 12pm

    Wednesdays- 6am, 7am

    Thursdays- 6am, 7am

    I meet with folx weekly only. Not bi-monthly or monthly.

  • How long will I be in therapy?

    Some clients see me for 3-6 months for a single somewhat complicated issue. Most clients see me for 1-3+ years for complex relational patterns/issues.

  • I only see folx for weekly therapy right now. I find that meeting every other week is not as helpful when we are building trust and momentum.

  • Seek a casual approach to therapy, where I offer feedback, ask questions and bring my personality into sessions. People who want to be challenged and interrupted (versus venting for long periods of time), are actively engaged in therapy (come with things to talk about, open), value the do-it-with-you approach rather than the DIY approach, value direct communication, interested in exploring about how systemic oppression and social factors impact our lives

  • Clients who want a quick fix, people who want solutions oriented approach, clients who are seeking purely cognitive therapy (working on your thoughts) or purely talk therapy (focusing on cathartic venting). I don't do family therapy, work with people under age 18, don't work with folx that want to seek sex therapy, or have struggle with psychosis. I don't work with folx actively struggling with suicidal/homicidal ideation.

  • I use a trauma informed somatic internal family systems focus. This means co-creating a space based on safety, choice, trust, collaboration, respect for differences and empowerment. The goal is for you to understand the bodily impact of trauma and how to regulate yourself and be more uncomfortable with uncertainty. I see each of us as made up of parts. Parts that have different motivations, agendas and beliefs. The goal is to integrate all these isolated parts so you can access your Core Self.

  • Can I do this alone, without therapy?

    Yes, of course.

    I don't believe that therapy is the only way to work on yourself.

    Coaching, Reiki, Self help books, podcasts, journaling, talking to friends, social media are all common tools that people use to help them through hard times.

    Therapists provide:

    consistent in depth structured support

    an outsider's perspective

    expertise and training in holding space exquisitely for people

    confidentiality-- were not going to share your biz with anyone else.

  • Yes, I see couples only right now, but no triads. My speciality is working with interracial couples navigate cultural differences, parents working on co-parenting struggles and/or conflict management.

    I am trained in PACT Level 1, which is a relational therapy method rooted in neuroscience, attachment and somatics. I incorporate internal family systems work in my dyadic work as well.

  • No, but I accept HSA/FSA payments. I am an out of network provider for most insurance panels. I can submit a monthly superbill for you to submit to your insurance for possible reimbursements.

  • It varies depending on your situation. My range is $140- $250. Please see my sliding scale chart above.

  • I am seeing client virtually only right now and have no capacity to see clients in person for the foreseeable future.

  • I don't work with clients who are actively suicidal/homicidal, struggle actively with eating disorders or problematic substance use. These issues require more intense care that I cannot provide.

  • I usually work with 1st/2nd/3rd Gen Immigrants of Color ( age 18+) who want help in the following areas: relationship issues (conflict management, boundaries, people pleasing, communication, trust, intimacy, attachment, culture, family of origin disagreements), anxiety, stress, panic, infertility, healing from termination of pregnancy/miscarriage, and sudden death of child, divorce, death of loved ones, starting new job, move to new city, identity issues (race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, concerns)

  • Sure, I am a Global Leadership coach. You can book an appointment with me here for coaching, if you live anywhere in the world. In my coaching practice, I love to work with 1st/2nd/3rd Gen Immigrants of Color in helping them navigate making bold changes in their career and to step into more authentic versions of themselves.

  • I have a 48 hour cancellation policy. If you cancel outside of that time frame, you won't be charged the full rate of our sessions. If you do, for any reason, even if it is for an emergency, you will be charged the full rate of our session

  • In the type of healing practice that I do (Somatic Internal Family Systems), I help folx identity and differentiate between various parts of their personality, including the critical and perfectionistic parts that fuel these problematic behaviors that leave you burnt out and distant from others. By understanding these parts intentions and building a relationship with them, these parts can reduce their negative impact on the system and individuals can regain a sense of control again.

    ​

    This type of therapy encourages the development of the "Self", which is the core of your being. Your Essence. When we connect to Self, it always leads to better decision making, more confidence, calm, creativity, agency, compassion, and curiosity. This is the what we call "Self Leadership."

    This type of therapy also addresses deep, hidden underlying wounds or "exiles" that contribute to these patterns. By processing and healing these parts, folx can reduce the need for perfectionism/people pleasing as ways to gain safety.

  • A lot of people that struggle with people pleasing, perfectionism, and imposter syndrome struggle with depression and anxiety. Depression can both be the cause and result of these patterns. The concern is that folx are worried about losing their romantic partners or projecting their insecurities onto their partners, causing them to push people away unintentionally.

    This form of healing practice, IFS, can help by:

    encouraging folx to look at their struggles with compassionate curiosity, rather than self balme and criticism. ​

    externalizing problematic behaviors/parts- this separation allows people to be a bit more detached about these shameful behaviors

    embracing Self- when we cultivate compassionate understanding, we provide a stable foundation for growth

    healing deep stubborn wounds- IFS goes straight to the wounds, rather than talking around the wounds, which is what traditional talk therapy does

    transforms parts of you that push people away unintentionally- when we understand the good intentions of the parts of us that like to sabotage relationships, we have more compassion and are able to negotiate with them.

  • That's totally understandable. This therapy is very effective, even if we talk about your parts (versus talking directly to your parts). A lot of this therapy will look like traditional talk therapy, which is what folx are more used to.

  • You are not alone! A lot of people struggle with this and it can be difficult to imagine a different version of yourself. At first, you might notice that you may be borrowing from my compassion for you. A lot of the first stages of therapy will be about you noticing the love, care, curiosity, gentleness and respect that comes from me to you. From that, you will see how much of that requires simple skill building. Sometimes we do things that are good for us (like showing compassion) when we don't actually feel it. I believe compassion is a verb more than a noun. It's possible to practice it without the actual feeling of it being present.

  • A lot of people come into the therapy space wanting more clarity about:

    whether or not to break up with their partner

    whether or not to find a partner or stay unpartnered

    whether or not to have kids

    what they want in their career

    whether or not they should leave their industry

    whether or not they should add another kid into their family

    whether or not they should pursue more higher education

    whether or not they should move out of their current city/country and into another country

    whether or not they should go "no contact" or "low contact with their primary caregivers

    First things first: I see my job as a facilitator. I see you as having inherent wisdom and clarity about your desires, but there might be some barriers to accessing that clarity. Sometimes parts of us don't want us to succeed, get a promotion, gain wealth, be in deeply respectful and reciprocal relationships. These parts don't want us to "succeed" for many different reasons. When we are in relationship to these parts that keep us confused and in limbo, we discover their good intentions and can negotiate with them. Soon after this, many people find clarity around their goals.

  • A lot of people that come to me are other therapists, helpers, and experienced therapy seekers. This type of therapy is different because it cuts to the root of the issue faster. Instead of talking about the problematic pattern, we go straight to the part of you that is influencing your problematic behaviors-- with compassion and curiosity.

  • We will work together to make sure you're feeling safe. If safety and trust isn't present, change cannot occur. What do I use to cultivate safety:

    providing educational tid bits about what is happening and how to heal

    building a strong relationship with you

    giving you as much heads up as possible so you're not surprised by much

    operating with as much consent and permission as possible

    not treating you like you're someone who is broken and needs to be fixed

    focusing on your strengths

    cultivating hope

    showing you compassion, when you may not have much compassion for yourself.

  • In our sessions together, you will be provided with a rough treatment plan, taking into consideration your goals and our agreements about what is workable within our timeframe together. You get to decide when you want to terminate our relationship based on how your goals have been covered (or not) or whether or not our relationship has been helpful.

  • Education about emotional skills

    A feeling that your therapist (me) has your back unconditionally

    some form of exposure to fears (imagined or in real life)

    emotional regulation tools

    Anxiety/Stress/Depression tools

    Problem solving skills

    Encouragement to try a different way of doing life/relating to others

    An emphasis on building on your strength and resilience

    Cultivation of hope

  • A lot of people come into the therapy space wanting more clarity about:

    how come their parents are the way that they are

    how to not make the same mistakes as their parents

    how to not project their childhood wounds onto their kids

    how to better and more deeply connect with their own children

    how their own ADHD/Autism can be a superpower but also be not as helpful when parenting

    A lot of 1st/2nd/3rd Gen folx come in with complex trauma regarding their parents. Maybe there wasn't a singular episode where their parents were particularly mean or abusive, but there was chronic neglect, fear of scarcity of time, energy, money, undiagnosed parental symptoms of anxiety, depression, tiger parenting cultural influences, etc. A lot of folx that are raised by immigrant parents who were highly avoidant of conflicts and didn't take the time to reflect and work on their own unresolved wounds come in particularly aware of their desire to not be like their parents. While that is understandable, oftentimes, their fear of not being like their parents is a reaction in an of itself.

    In therapy, we address this reaction and address the root of the matter-- which are unresolved attachment wounds as a result of being parented by parents in chronic survival mode.

  • The transition to parenthood can trigger a wide range of emotions and fears. IFS therapy encourages us to identify and to be compassionately curious about the different parts of ourselves that might be coming up. Some examples of parts are:

    the parts of us that are excited and welcoming of adding a child to the family

    the parts of us that are not excited, but scared and feeling dreadful of the addition

    parts that are sad to say goodbye to the child-free life and lifestyle

    parts that are scared of labor and delivery

    parts that are grieving not having a nurturing family upbringing

    parts that are fearful that they won't be "good enough" parents and might "mess up" their child

    Exploring each of our unique parts and understanding each part's good intentions, can help with something called "Self Leadership."

    IFS emphasizes the concept of "self" as the intuitive, wise, compassionate aspect of a person. By connecting with Self, individuals can provide leadership and support to the parts of us that might be struggling. This can bring a huge sense of internal stability to our body and system.

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  • Participating in therapy where one partner is not willing to do the work of showing up will not be helpful or effective. In order for this to be effective, both partners must be willing to show up. If this is the case for you, where you want to do this work, but your partner doesn’t, you might want to consider:

    Discernment counseling- helps with one partner not wanting to stay together and the other partner does

    Individual therapy- learning more about your own needs, desires, fears and longings alongside possibly exploring boundaries, communication skills, and self advocacy abilities

  • I don’t work with couples that struggle with domestic violence/intimate partner violence, narcisstic abuse and relationships where active infidelity is present.

  • My No Secrets policy is based on the principle that the relational unit (you and your partner together) are my client, not one person individually. Whatever is shared outside of sessions (through text, email or side conversations) will not be held as a secret.