DO YOU LIGHT UP WHEN THINKING ABOUT YOUR CAREER OR ARE YOU FEELING BURNED OUT?
Overcoming burnout in your work doesn't mean taking a step back or taking time off.
Angela Tam uses a body based approach and works with overworked Asian Femmes, who want to recover from workplace burnout and find clarity and confidence in their next career steps.
You wake up in the morning and it hits you like a truck.
The non-stop voices that say:
You’re not good enough
You’re a lazy person
You’re an imposter at work. You’ll never get promoted because you’re not smart enough.
Even if you switch jobs, partners, etc, the message is still the same.
YOU ARE YOUR OWN WORSE CRITIC. YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE YOURSELF.
AND THEN THE GUILT.......
GUILTY FOR EVEN FEELING THIS WAY BECAUSE OTHERS HAVE IT WORSE THAN YOU…
YOU’RE SO “PRIVILEGED” SO YOU DON’T HAVE A “RIGHT” TO COMPLAIN….
GUILTY FOR NOT BEING ENOUGH…
GUILTY FOR NOT BEING HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE…
GUILTY FOR NOT SPENDING ENOUGH TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY/FRIENDS
GUILTY FOR NOT FINISHING ALL THE THINGS ON YOUR TO-DO LIST
You seem put together on the outside, but shit is funky on the inside. Your inner critic runs the show and she don't give a shit about your feelings.
You're beyond burned out. Like to a crisp. Toasted brown/black on the edges. Self care? WTF is that?
You're scrolling on social media and hear yourself saying "AW SHIT, WTF is my problem? Why do other people have it together and I don't?" The comparison trap is real.......
You are too hard on yourself. Even your coworkers tell you to "take it easy"
You are tightly wound up. You run a tight ship. So tight that theres no room to make messes.
You are hard on yourself but maybe you have a "weak spot" and are permissive with your boss or kids.
You feel burnt out and disconnected:
Since being in tech, things that kept you connected to yourself and others no longer work
You constantly feel guilty for not working hard enough or not being a good enough friend to others
You find yourself feeling frustrated because you have no time or energy to take care of yourself because you are so busy taking care of other people
You find yourself lost in rage and unable to express it to anyone because you don't want to burden others with your troubles.
You feel DIFFERENT than other Asian femmes:
You feel isolated as an Asian Femme and ashamed that other coworkers don't have the same struggles as you.
You struggle with asking and receiving help.
You fantasize about running away temporarily because the responsibilities are WAY. TOO. MUCH.
IMAGINE:
not bullying yourself anymore
being decisive
being able to say "no" to your coworkers/boss about not committing to another non-promoting work project and not feeling guilty about it AT ALL.
not second guessing yourself
not wanting to compare yourself to other Beckys on social media because you own your bad-ass-bitchery and feel confident in your own skin.
being super confident because you know your shit at work and a proud to show off your skills.
deeply trusting yourself because you know your values, purpose and desires.
being so comfortable with you because you know how to feel safe with yourself.
MEET ANGELA!
Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Licensure Supervisor for Associates
I help people:
love themselves again
find their inner anchor
stop comparing themselves to other women
unconditionally accept themselves
AM I BROKEN????
HELLLLLLLLLL NO!!!!
SHIT HAPPENS
Colonization fucked things up.
Colonization led to supremacy and capitalism.
supremacy and capitalism lead to trauma in our collective bodies.
supremacy and capitalism is ultimately the source of all of our trauma
trauma can be a really big scary event such as a car crash, natural disaster or assualt
trauma can be something that happened on an ongoing basis such as emotional neglect or abandonment
trauma can be persistent and pervasive, such as racialized trauma
trauma can happen as a result of immigration, big transitions, break ups, general fuck ups.
WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT IN THERAPY?
There is no magic wand, but I can help.
YOU CAN BE KIND TO YOURSELF
You will learn how to speak to yourself with love and respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!!
YOU CAN EXPECT TO BE SELF CONFIDENT
Confidence comes from doing hard things. I will challenge you to do hard things for yourself.... like speak up for yourself and assert your needs and desires. Of course, you won't do it on your own. You will have ME as your companion!
YOU WILL LEARN EMOTIONAL REGULATION
Warren G isn't the only one that can regulate. We will regulate the shit talking that you do in your mind and learn how to redirect that energy into something more productive.
YOU WILL LEARN ABOUT HEALTHY AGGRESSION
People pleasing is so yesterday. So is being passive aggressive or aggressive or passive. That shit is so dated and dysfunctional. We are going to learn to embody your inner feline and learn to be a bad ass bitch.
YOU CAN TAKE OWNERSHIP OF YOU
You are can own your strengths, weaknesses, desires, needs, fears, hopes and BOUNDARIES. You will feel ENOUGH.
YOU WILL BE IN HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
You will learn how to find safe relationships in brave spaces and not settle for anything dysfunctional.
YOU WILL LEARN TO FIND YOUR INNER ANCHOR
Your inner anchor is your inner wisdom. Your inner steadfast, reliable, wise auntie. Your inner anchor is your inner expert. The expert that knows your limits. Knows your passions. Knows your desires. Knows your purpose. Knows your truth.
YOU WILL LEARN HOW TO BEFRIEND YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM
Your nervous system is made up of 2 parts, which can be further broken down into 3 parts (ventral vagal, dorsal vagal and sympathetic). We will learn about the different parts in order to develop a way to move through different autonomic nervous system states.
Disclaimer: I am not promising anything. This work involves a lot of time, energy, (money) and commitment on your part. It is your responsibility to show up for you. It is your responsibility to do "the reps" every single day. I can promise you this: I am committed to showing up for you. No matter what.
This is for....
Asian Femmes who want to banish workplace burnout
Asian Femmes who want to show up weekly for themselves and want to prioritize their own well being before care-taking for others.
Asian Femmes who want a DO IT WITH YOU framework, where they will be given a general process and a safe container, but the majority of the work will be up to them to implement.
Asian Femmes who are open to doing body based work, not just traditional talk therapy.
Asian Femmes who are willing to examine how internalized white body supremacy might show up in their urges and bodies, which lead to burnout.
Asian Femmes who are looking for someone to challenge their existing patterns.
Asian Femmes who are open to introducing a new way to have a relationship with their work that might make them feel uncomfortable (in a good way).
Asian Femmes who are open to examining their family of origin and childhood wounds.
Any licensure associates who are looking for supervision hours towards licensure in the
This is not for....
People who are looking for quick fixes or short term therapy (anything less than a year)
People who are looking to use their insurance to supplement the cost of therapy. Weekly therapy sessions are $350 per 50 minute session. I can provide super bills for you to submit to your insurance carrier if you have out of network benefits.
People who are looking for sliding scale slots. I don't have any at this moment.
People who are looking to meet bi monthly or once a month. I only see people weekly.
People who are looking for in person meetings. I only see people virtually.
People who live outside of the state of Washington. If you live outside the state of Washington, but want to work with me, consider joining my group coaching program at The Unburnout Strategy.
People who want their therapist to "fix" them or "rescue" them. Therapists can provide a framework, but the work will be up to you to implement.
babies, children, adolescents, teens, or families.
People who struggle with: OCD, insomnia/sleep disorders, substance use, eating disorders, psychosis, ADHD or actively struggle with suicidal/homicidal ideation. Due to the nature of my small practice, I am unable to accommodate folx who are in crisis.
People who want to be seen during evenings and weekends. I only see clients Mon-Wed from 6am till 1pm.
WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS FOR NOT USING INSURANCE?
To protect your confidentiality
No limit to how many sessions you can attend
No clinical diagnosis on your medical record
More choices for therapist based on your fit
Ability to continue with your current therapist even if you lose insurance or change insurance/jobs
When a mental health diagnosis is filed on your record, it is considered a pre-existing condition. In the future, this could potentially increase the costs of your insurance or prevent you from getting coverage altogether.
There is no limit for amount of sessions. With the use of insurance, there is sometimes a limit for number of sessions covered.
WHAT IS SOMATIC THERAPY?
Somatic therapy in a nutshell
Trauma gets trapped in our bodies
Theory- trauma gets trapped in our body and it needs to be "shaken off"/discharged
There is recognition that trauma is persistent and pervasive as BIPOC folx
SIBAM
Body needs to be involved in processing trauma. We use the SIBAM framework to do it. SIBAM stands for sensation, imagery, behavior, affect and meaning).
default patterns
We take time to learn about your background and personal history. We learn about your default responses to trauma: fight, flight, fawn or freeze.
move into a different pattern
we will explore ways for you to move into a different pattern if your default pattern is not working. if you have learned to fawn, or people please, we will become familiar with the experience of moving into a different mode, such as flight, or fight (healthy aggression).
WHAT DOES SOMATIC LOOK LIKE DAY TO DAY AND WEEK TO WEEK?
this is a non linear process and is not rigid or unidirectional or prescriptive. I don't give out "homework" in the traditional sense, but will have people observe their patterns in between sessions
ESTABLISHING RELATIONAL SAFETY
This is the foundation of the work. If you don't feel safe and supported, its gonna be hard to take risks and to be vulnerable.
INTAKE
We will take time to examine your background, trauma history, generational patterns, family of origin dynamics and personality displays.
GOALS
We will tap into your goals and intentions. We will identify key points of motivation. What drives you to wake up every day? What do you want out of our time together? If you don't know the answers yet, no worries. We will spend time exploring. By the time we are done, you will know what you want.
SIBAM
We will use the SIBAM (Sensations, Images, Behavior, Affect, Movement) to connect to our body.
sensations- experiences that are felt in the body level through tightness, constriction, comfort, pleasure, flow, etc
imagery- using the imagination to form a picture of something
behavior- body language, posture, breathing, facial expressions, word choices, tone, speed, and pressure of speech
affect- feelings
meaning- thoughts
PENDULATION
Going back and forth between contraction and expansion. Trauma and resourcing. This builds capacity for change. This is the bread and butter of the work.
TITRATION
Slowing things down. Trauma is anything that is "too much, too fast and too soon." When we slow things down, we can notice what body sensations are coming up, hidden resources, and our body will move towards completion of protective responses.
IDENTIFYING DEFAULT PATTERNS
What is your default pattern that you are locked into?
fight- anger, rage, combative
flight- holding secrets, ghosting, isolation, and lying
freeze- collapse, confusion, fainting, slow speech, disassociation, being stuck, indecisive, procrastination
fawn- people pleasing, camouflage, appeasing others, being nice, always thinking of others first, putting other peoples needs before yours.
MOVING INTO A DIFFERENT RESPONSE
If you are constantly in:
fight- the work is gently guiding the rage-filled energy and discharging it through your body instead of projecting it onto loved ones or absorbing it into your body
flight- learning to not keep secrets, or lie or ghost as a defense mechanism.
freeze- inviting safe people into your life to have regular check ins to unthaw the freeze or stuckness
fawn- inviting healthy aggression and practicing titrating one's biggest fears....disappointing loved ones.
UNCOUPLING
Uncoupling fear with the defense mechanisms. Coupling empowerment, radical self love and acceptance and worthiness with new defense mechanisms.
RESOURCING AND GROUNDING
Our bodies are wired to look at the negative things. Resourcing is the practice of observing goodness and safety around us and in us. When we teach our nervous system that it can always return to a place of safety, then can easily down regulate when it is in a state of distress. I will guide you through that process until you can do it for yourself.
ARE YOU FINDING YOURSELF:
BUSY HELPING, SERVING AND DOING SHIT FOR OTHER PEOPLE
Sometimes you forget about what you want and need? Maybe you are so out of touch with yourself that you have no clue about what you want.
DOING ALL THE "RIGHT THINGS"
But you aren't happy? You have the "perfect" job, car, friends. And even the extracurricular activities. But you ain't happy. There's something off. You don't even know yourself anymore. You don't know how to even start looking for yourself.
SCARED OF DISAPPOINTING OTHERS
You don't want to reinforce boundaries, heck, WTF are boundaries? You don't want to challenge status quo because it's too exhausting to think about the fight that might ensue.
SCARED TO START YOUR SOMETHING NEW
Imposter syndrome has got a hold on you. It's got the best of you and you are stuck. paralyzed. frozen. procrastination is your best friend.
OVERWORKED AND UNDERPAID
You are so burned out, but you overextend yourself on the daily. You work late into the night, and even into the weekends. asking for a raise or a promotion scares the shit out of you.
TRYING TO CONTROL EVERYTHING
you find yourself trying to control other peoples perception of you. You say white lies to your kids so they can continue to believe the best in you. you try new diets to control your appearance.
At the end of the day, you don't believe you deserve to be happy.
MAYBE...
You feel guilty for wanting to take space from your toxic family.
You feel guilty for wanting time apart from your friends.
You feel guilty for wanting to draw boundaries with your job.
You feel guilty for wanting more. For wanting something different.
I AM A RECOVERING PEOPLE PLEASER
been there. done that.
I had a "happy" family (on the outside). My mom and dad were very functional (in appearances only) and seemed "normal". They were middle class folx, struggling to provide a better life for me. High school class president. Graduated honors from university. Got married. Moved overseas to work for a religious non profit. Was I happy? No.
I spent my life trying to fit into other people's mold that I lost myself. I was fixated on not stirring the pot. Not disappointing. Not bringing up my preferences. I somehow got lost in the mix.
This came to a head when I had my firstborn. My firstborn had extreme eczema and secondary skin infections that lasted for almost 18 months of her infancy and toddlerhood. People had so many things to say to me about how to "fix" my daughter. Unsolicited was given, left and right.
That was around the time that someone in our family (no names shall be named) shamed us for our medical decisions in treating our daughter's eczema. They reminded us in how my partner and I were disobedient and failed as parents to our daughter because we failed to heed to this family member's rigid advice.
This was a huge turning point in my life.
I realized that I had to decide... do I choose trying to be "obedient" to make others happy, or do I choose my own happiness?
I chose my own happiness. I chose to find my own voice. I chose to follow my own path.
I became obsessed with finding my voice.
I have always invested in my personal development. I've been in therapy for almost 20 years. I took a shit ton of trainings, certifications, and even went to graduate school to study counseling.
I was obsessed with finding my identity. my voice. my sense of self.
This is exactly what I can guide you through. I can help you find your voice too. Find your sense of self. Find your identity.
HEYYYYYYY GIRL. HEYYYY.
I'm Angela BTW. (she/they)
I'm pretty sure I can help you. Why? Well, I've spent the past decade+ as a therapist helping countless people like you.....
let go of perfectionism, fawning, people pleasing.
And as a result....
they were able to find themselves. find joy. find bliss. do whatever the fuck they wanted without feeling guilty.
REASONS FOR WORKING WITH ME:
First-- I've lived through a shit ton of trauma and survived. Actually, I am thriving. I love myself and am living proof that you can be a badass bitch without being a meanie or bully to yourself.
Second-- I do a lot of learning. I am obsessed with learning and growing. Maybe to a fault. either way, I am eager to share it with you.
Third-- I get results. After a decade+ of being in this business, I've worked with a shit ton of people who are a living testament to self love and radical self acceptance and hospitality. People have broken up with their controlling partners. Drew boundaries with their toxic family members. Started businesses that they were so afraid to pursue. Stood up to their abusive bosses.
Fourth-- I received a shit ton of training in this stuff. I value growing and learning. I have my masters degree in counseling that is KCREP accredited... Additionally, I am an Advanced Level 1 trained Somatic Experience practitioner. It is an intense 3 year long program with training modules, group practices, individual supervision, and consultation. I am also trained with PSI (Postpartum Support International) in their Perinatal mood and anxiety disorder and Advanced Perinatal Mental Health Psychotherapy Training. In addition, I am a Level 1 PACT therapist with an HAES informed, body positive, anti-oppressive, social justice oriented lens.
Fifth-- I have received therapy for the past 20 years and will remain in therapy for the rest of my life. This is perhaps the most important piece of my personal development and "training." I am constantly checking my own biases, my own shortcomings and exploring my strengths, within the container of safety with my own therapist. This is so important as I am working extra hard to not project my own shit on you.
Six-- I am engaged in peer led consult groups, where I am constantly sharpening my skills seeking accountability in my biases. My people keep me grounded and challenge me to deepen my love for myself and others.
RANDOM SHIT
I am a first generation Chinese American child of Vietnam war refugees. I am a “geriatric millennial”.
I believe no one is illegal and ALL Black Lives Matter. I am an intersectional feminist that believes that everyone deserves a chance at the table. It is a human right to be in secure functioning relationships. It's not enough to be kind and nice to everyone. We must challenge the system of oppression and to the parts of us that collude and are complicit with those structures.
I’ve been married since 2008. I have 3 kids aged 8, 5, and an almost 1 year old babe.
I believe love is love and people of all identities and should be able to partake in the benefits of the institution of marriage regardless of how they look and who they love. I believe all LGBTQQIA++ and folx with various gender identities and fluidities are entitled to the same rights and advantages as cis-get folx.
We are an unschooling family. I believe all humans have an innate curiosity for life and sometimes adults need to get out of the way so kids can be kids. I am unschooling myself and divesting from institutions that perpetuate colonization of the mind. I am committed to lifelong learning and cultural humility.
I love boba. pizza and pho. I believe boba is life and I'm not sure I can live without it. if you haven't tried boba yet, you're missing out.
I believe in liberation for all. Our oppression and healing are all intertwined with each other. I believe we are on hostilly occupied territory belonging to Indigenous folx and support to the Landback movement is part of liberation for all. Please join me in supporting https://www.realrentduwamish.org
WHAT IS A GOOD FAITH ESTIMATE?
Beginning January 1, 2022, federal law requires health care practitioners to provide current and potential clients who don’t have insurance or who are not using insurance a “Good Faith Estimate” (GFE) on the cost of treatment.
This new law is designed to provide transparency to clients regarding their expected medical expenses and to protect them from surprises when they receive their medical bills.
While it is not possible for a therapist to know, in advance, how many therapy sessions may be necessary or appropriate for a given person, this form provides an estimate of the cost of services provided.
I expect treatment will require continued weekly or bi-weekly sessions
continuing through the end of the year, at $350 per session for a total of 48 weeks, accounting for vacations and holidays for an estimated total of $16,800 (weekly sessions).
WHAT ARE YOUR RIGHTS WITH THE GOOD FAITH ESTIMATE?
You have the right to receive a GFE for the total expected cost of any non-emergency healthcare services, including therapy services.
You can ask your healthcare provider, and any other provider you choose, for a GFE before you schedule a service.
You have the right to initiate the client–provider dispute resolution process if the charges you are actually billed substantially exceed the expected charges in this estimate (at least $400 more than your GFE).
You are entitled to disagree with any recommendations made to you concerning your treatment and you may discontinue treatment at any time.
Make sure to save a copy of your GFE or take a photo of it.
This estimate of costs is not a contract and does not obligate you to obtain clinical services from your provider.
For questions or more information about your right to a Good Faith Estimate, visit www.cms.gov/nosurprises or call 1- 800-985-3059.