3 non negotiables for looking for a therapist for eldest daughters (nb/trans) of immigrants.

3 non negotiables when looking for a healer as an eldest daughter/child (NB/trans) of immigrants:

1) you vibe with them and feel safe opening up- Notice if you connect and feel safe having light and serious conversations with them. See how they react when you start opening up little by little with them. Do they spring into giving you unsolicited advice? Are they validating your feelings? Do they talk over you? Do they take themselves too seriously? Do they disclose some information about themselves? their own values? are they politicized and practice intersectional humility?

2) special training (like somatic or ifs) that engages not only thoughts and feelings but mind body connection- modern day psychotherapy is very sanitized and just incorporate feelings and thoughts without taking into consideration that we walk around with actual bodies. Our bodies are were most of our trauma is stored…. not in our feelings and thoughts. Make sure you find a therapist that has training in engaging with the body as well as the mind. Some examples are: Somatic Experiencing, Polyvagal therapy, Internal Family Systems, Sensorimotor psychotherapy, Hakomi, Somatic IFS, Generative Somatic therapy).

3) that they are actively engaged in their own personal healing work- you wouldn’t believe the amount of therapists that have the funds but don’t engage in personal healing work or consultation groups. Make sure your healer’s inner world is being cared for by someone equipped to care for them, or else you will be paying for it through their projections onto you. You can simply ask them: Are you engaged in weekly or regular healing sessions with a healer? If so, how long have you been doing and do you intend to have some kind of long term engagement in healing?

4) that they don’t pathologize your culture/survival strategies- A lot of non-bipoc therapists will say “why are you still living with your parents?” or “do you really think it’s appropriate to be engaging with your parents in this way? why do you feel the need to help them out in this way?” There are so many examples of WW therapists unknowingly shaming asian/bipoc clients into believing that their survival strategies are something to be apathologized. Turn the other way if you find yourself in this situation.