The Price of Quiet: How Emotional Suppression Leads to Intense Angry Outbursts

When my oldest was 8, I remember yelling at her for lying to me about how much screen time she was actually viewing. During the same day, I also yelled at her about her dropping her water bottle and causing a loud thud, disrupting neighbors downstairs.

I am a mental health therapist. I was losing my sh1t with my child. I was filled with so much guilt and shame. I knew that I needed to slow down and reflect on what is happening inside. I didn’t know a lot, but I had the wherewithal to start to be curious about what is going on inside.

I did some soul searching and discovered something about how I have “inner children”. I don’t remember how I came across this term, but I remember seeing it on IG or social media.

Sometimes, I think to myself, “how come I am 41, but still act so emotionally immature? I am a therapist. I have studied how to become emotionally mature. I know how to be emotionally intelligent. Why am I so not emotionally intelligent at times? Why do I treat my kids like they are siblings to compete with?”

Now I know that I am a complex person. We are actually all complex beings. Made up of many different sub personalities inside of us that have their own beliefs, patterns, behaviors, and feelings.

When we are having an emotional outburst, what is really happening is that a part of you is being activated. A part of you that has something to say to you. A part of you that wants you to know it’s story. A part that wants more support.

This is the challenge: when your big feelings inside are overwhelming you and causing you to go haywire, is there some capacity for you to meet this part with kindness and compassion? Knowing that this part has a story to tell. This part has a message for us. Will you lend a listening ear to listen to them for just a moment?

Our bodies were not meant to bottle up our feelings. Our bodies were not meant to avoid conflict or to earn a gold star in someone else’s book. Our bodies are meant to be connected to themselves and others. To humanity.

How do we unprogram ourselves from this script of emotional suppression? We start, little by little. Feeling what our bodies can slowly handle. Then we enlarge our capacity, micrometer by micrometer.

keywords: Immigrant daughters, anger management, coping strategies, immigrant family, anger, emotional support, immigrant parents, cultural clashes, first-generation, anger issues, family conflict resolution strategies, multicultural family therapy, immigrant family counseling, stress management, cross-cultural communication techniques